Have you had your spending reined in? Do you feel like you’re on a short leash, financially? Have you been unable to indulge in the little splurges for yourself or loved ones that you were used to? The economic climate overall is improving, but that doesn’t mean everyone is rebounding ~ in fact, for some people the sting of financial downturn is still fresh, whether it be from a lost job, a foreclosed house, a lifestyle downsize, or any one of a number of things.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, this recession hasn’t been all bad, as it’s taught many of us what’s truly important: we’re taking pleasure in the little things like eating meals together instead of going out, watching movies at home with friends instead of splurging on expensive outings, doing crafts with our kids instead of buying them the latest gadget, and so on.

But there’s nothing like the holidays to make you feel the pinch of a pinched penny. This time of year has ALWAYS been a hard one for much of American. People frequently go into debt to buy the perfect gift for themselves or a friend or family member. We throw caution to the wind and plan vacations home, eat meals out, host parties … and make things more stressful than they should be.

As many families are in the midst of needing to cut back, it’s even more of a necessity to live within your means this holiday season, but it’s likely to be even more tempting to overindulge. I call this a Pent Up Purchase. It’s related to a typical symptom of infidelity, the Pissed off Purchase, which I describe in my book Financial Infidelity, and can manifest itself in several ways:

Out of denial and anger, Americans have awakened to a new emotional response to the economic collapse. Our brain chemistry is negatively impacted when we suffer adversity. Because of this, the economic downturn we’re experiencing – and the penny pinching many are experiencing – is actually a set-up for irresponsible spending, and an unhealthy replacement for emotional intimacy.

Avoid Holiday Overspending

So where does that leave us, as we stare the holiday season in the eyes? Make sure you’re taking advantage of the GOOD things we can learn from this recession, like I mentioned above. It may seem like a vicious cycle: more stress=more tendency to spend=more stress. But doing things to remove stress from your life WITHOUT spending money will help break the financial infidelity cycle! Spending time with your family – which is often at the core of a memorable holiday experience anyway, even after you strip away the gifts and festivities – can be a good place to start. Or if your family is a source of even MORE stress know your limits and boundaries.

Essentially, the advice that is always relevant during this time of year is even more pertinent now: Take time to rest, to enjoy the season, to be with the people that you love, and let the support of all these things carry you through the stresses you may be feeling about finances, money or the economy.

Related articles:

1. Angry Spending: The Next Wave
2. 5 Ways to Survive Being Around Your In-Laws This Holiday Season
3. Don’t Let A Financial Downturn Cause Financial Infidelity in Your Relationship
4. Americans Less Worried About Debt?
5. Women Spend More When The Going Gets Tough

Anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her?, sits down with the Advisor to discuss why we choose the parters we do.

Everyone feels differently about sex on a woman’s period. Some women don’t mind it, other women won’t ever do it. The same goes for guys – some guys could care less if a woman is on her period or not, while other guys are going to steer clear during that time of the month. Besides personal preference, is there anything you should be worried about when it comes to having sex with a woman on her period? Is it less safe to have sex when a woman is on her period?

Pregnancy And Periods

Generally, women don’t get pregnant when they’re on their periods. First of all, an egg has to be dropped from a woman’s ovary for pregnancy to take place. Second, for a fertilized egg to implant itself in the uterus successfully, there must be enough uterine lining to house the fertilized egg well. A woman’s period is when she sheds this lining, making it a poor time for an egg to attach. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen though! Every woman’s body is different and she may drop an egg during her period, and she just may have enough menstrual lining to house the fertilized egg. While a woman is less likely to become pregnant while she is on her period, it is wise not to take that chance if you’re not planning on raising a baby. Using a condom, spermicide, traditional birth control or other barrier methods to prevent pregnancy at all times is probably your best bet if you aren’t looking to conceive.

Periods And STD’s

That said, there is another aspect of having sex while she’s on her period to consider. Sexually transmitted diseases and infections actually have a higher rate of transmission during a woman’s period than during other times of the month. Is the rate that much higher? Probably not. But it’s still something to consider. HIV and AIDS of course, do have a higher rate of transmission during a woman’s period due to direct blood to semen and semen to blood contact. Other sexually transmitted dieseases and infections can be passed from a woman to a man during her period more easily than if she is not on her period, because the organisms that cause STD’s tend to love a warm, moist environment and can multiply faster during that time of the month.

Being Safe

With all things considered, if you don’t want to conceive a child or transmit or contract an STD, it’s important to take steps to keep yourself safe at all times, no matter what time of the day, month or year it is. Simply having sex with your partner while she’s on her period isn’t going to prevent pregnancy alone, and avoiding sex with a woman on her period isn’t going to eliminate your risks of contracting an STD. Learn how to be safe, and learn how to make smart sexual decisions that will keep you and your partner happy and healthy – and kid-free if you want it that way.

Don’t know how to buy a condom, or which condoms are the best to use? Check out our Condoms 101 video mini-series. Everything you need to know about buying a condom, how to put a condom on and wearing a condom during sex!

Take the Poll and Then Leave a Comment to Tell Us Your Thoughts!

Related articles:

1. Sex On Her Period – Should You Or Shouldn’t You?
2. Safe Sex: Can That Clear Fluid Really Get Me Pregnant? (Video)
3. Sperm, Semen and Safe Sex – What You Need To Know (Video)
4. What Is YOUR Plan B? The Truth About Emergency Contraception
5. Who’s Responsible for Contraception – the Man or the Woman?

 ”Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.” – Aimee Mullins

I remember as a teenager, being so self-absorbed, hoping my Prince Charming would come along and rescue me from my life as I knew it! One day I read an article in a woman’s magazine about my very predicament. This article informed me that there was no way Prince Charming was going to come rescue me. He wasn’t going to do it because sad, pouting women are not appealing to any Prince Charming.

You Won’t Catch A Prince By Being A Sad, Pouting Princess

This was before the self-help field and resources burst upon the scene. Within a handful of years, the same article would have communicated that any man who did rescue a sad, pouting woman likely had issues of his own. The pair would create a dysfunctional union sure to self-destruct in time.

All I know is that article was one of the things I’ve read in my life that turned my life around. I wish I’d kept it so I could thank the author. I must have instinctively understood what she meant and got busy becoming a funny and flirtatious young woman, allowing my sense of humor and easy laughter to dominate my interactions with people. It didn’t make me any less serious. When I hurt, I allowed myself to process what hurt. When I was angry, I dealt with it. I simply quit taking myself so seriously that I was getting in my own way of having a fun and rewarding youth.

I have kept that advice close to my heart, allowing it to inform my life ever since. From having sweet boyfriends in high school and college to attracting my husband to making friends and getting along well with acquaintances and strangers, generally content and happy people attract good stuff from other people.

Confidence Can Help You Avoid Bad Relationships

In my early thirties, I did get into a rut with a destructive relationship that eventually found me in a low grade depression for a number of years. During that time, the happy version of me was more of a comfortable mask as the relationship tore at my self-esteem, wearing down my confidence.

Towards the end of that phase of my life, I realized something that turned my life around once again. Perhaps because the relationship wasn’t serving me, I found myself studying and admiring other men. With those who were in relationships, I’d study and admire their women as well. Whether it was a Hollywood couple or the couple next door, I think I was looking for answers to my problems in the success other seemed to find.

My observations taught me something precious that goes along with the “Prince Charming likes a happy, confidant woman” thing. I learned that confidence is sexy. I mean it is the sexiest attribute a person can own! Confidence can turn less than attractive looks and turn them into glorious imperfections that you can’t wait to get close to!

Confidence Is A Turn On

Think about it. Patricia Arquette has those adorable crooked teeth. When is her smile the most appealing? Whenever she radiates confidence. Consider Hollywood’s leading men. Any number of them you would not find nearly as handsome without their delicious confidence in tact. Will Smith has funny ears. Who cares? His confidence is so attractive! Christian Bale is a perfect example. He’s played roles where he was insecure, even a little psychotic as well as roles where he exuded confidence. As Batman he is drop dead sexy. It goes far beyond the body building. It’s the confidence. In the roles where he is convincingly insecure, he doesn’t look like someone you want to get close to.

Personally, the chemistry between my husband, Joseph, and me when one or both of us is feeling especially confident; even if we come off a little cocky, is palatably richer. Because the chemistry is good, period; the fact that I can tell that confidence still makes a difference is convincing enough to me that I’m on to something here.

Besides, remember I told you about that destructive relationship where I wound up in a low grade depression? When I began practicing confidence, both the depression and the relationship unraveled, freeing me to have a new life where I got to attract Joseph. I highly recommend confidence as an aphrodisiac and general life enhancer!

Related articles:

1. How To Ignite A Spark In Your Relationship With Confidence
2. Top 10 Ways To Boost Your Sexual Confidence with Women
3. The Attraction of Confidence – Why Women Are Attracted To Confident Men
4. How to Develop Confidence With Women in 4 Easy Steps
5. Boost Your Self Confidence And Become Irresistible!

This one is best used if you're wearing a tweed jacket and sipping a Scotch on the rocks.

Many men and women seem to think that a “good” sex life consists of one thing – lots of sex. In fact, guys that don’t have sex very often tend to get burned by their male friends who supposedly have sex more often. You see it all the time on television and in movies – having lots of sex means you have a great sex life, right? So does how much sex you have really play that big a part in how good your sex life is? Quality sex has to count for something, right?

Lots Of Sex, All The Time

Of course, women are often socially branded with the idea that to please their partners, they need to have sex all the time. In fact, women go into relationships thinking that men want sex daily or at least several times a week. According to social influence, partners that only have sex once a week or even less are considered to have a poor sex life. Think about it though – how often is daily sex great sex? How often is sex a few times a week absoultely ravishing, leaving you begging for more? Rarely. In fact, having sex more often can result in shorter sex times, less orgasms and an overall decrease in the quality of your sex.

What Is Good Sex?

Good sex – or great sex even – comes from having the time and energy to devote to being fully present during sex, giving your partner pleasure, as well as keeping yourself open to receiving pleasure as well. How many women and men throw themselves into a “quickie” every night or every couple of nights just to say they had sex? Just to have a quick orgasm? Who really wants to devote an hour or more to having fabulous sex every night, after getting home from work and putting dinner on the table? Especially if you have kids! Many couples have actually stopped having sex as often because of the daily stresses in life, but they still have the attitude that lots of sex equals a good sex life. Therefore, with the mindset that they have a poor sex life because they don’t have sex often enough, the times they do have sex are dampened by the wrong attitude!

How To Break The Vicious Cycle

Sex is about quality, not quantity. So you only have time to have sex once a week. Or once every two weeks even! But if you and your partner are completely present during sex and completely devoted to each other’s pleasure – as well as receiving pleasure of your own – it will likely result in awesome sex. Say you have sex even once a month – but every month, that sex brings you closer to your partner and more in touch with yourself after a night of passion and pleasure. Does that mean you have a bad sex life? Not at all – quite the opposite in fact!

If you want to break the bad-sex-often cycle, it’s time to change your attitude about sex. Stop worrying about how often you have sex and make sure that when you do have sex, you and your partner have enough time and emotional energy to give to each other completely. Regardless of how many times you have sex, if every time you have sex you have great sex, you have a great sex life!

Related articles:

1. Men, Do You Know the 3 Reasons She’s Unhappy With Your Sex Life?
2. When Preoccupation With The Stuff Of Life Interferes With Your Love Life
3. Is Your Life Too Busy for Sex? (Video)
4. Satisfaction or Frustration – How Would You Describe Your Sex Life?
5. 4 Secrets Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Sex Life

I got an email recently after I gave a talk at a booksigning. I’d talked about being present and the importance of surrounding yourself with people who were also present. The woman explained she had been dating a man she met recently who was a successful lobbyist, but who was just as distracted. Here’s what she had to say about the rest of the story.

Being Present In Your Own Life

This weekend, another man, a very old friend, came to town…we’ve known each other 35 years (college). He came to my studio and asked about my work, and he was incredibly “present” with me. And you are right, it was a total and complete turn-on. Whoa!

The next day, I had dinner with the other man (the lobbyist) and he spent most of the time talking about how his recent ex-girlfriend is using a popular dating website and how her profile is full of lies, and that he ought to get his own profile … Big turn-off! We were supposed to go on a date this Saturday but I cancelled it because I decided I would rather have my own precious company, than his!

She followed up with another note a few days later.

Hi Maryanne, so interesting what happens when I choose me. I came home to find a huge box of flowers from my college friend. I’m sure that saying goodbye to that lobbyist was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Thank you…

J..Alder, Nor Cal

Bottom line, ladies and gentlemen: when we don’t know who we are, what we want or have our priorities intact, we fall into the default loop that was programmed into our subconscious long ago. We all know the drill: tall dark and handsome, good in the sack, rich, whatever. At some point we start to realize these arent things that make a great relationship. Someone we thought was hot becomes really unattractive when their real character starts to show.

Choosing Someone Who Is Present In Their Own Lives

I have met too many people who, time and again, confess that the things they thought they wanted werent essential at allor, at minimum, fell lower on the priority list than they once realized.

Perhaps rather than hot and successful being at the top of the list, you could alter it some and require that certain other qualities be immediately apparent. Things like being present to their lives and yours, someone who’s kind, honest, purposeful, and so on. Create your own list! But check it twice as the holidays approach so you don’t make any mistakes. Do you really want someone naughty or do you want someone one who’s mostly nice (and maybe a little naughty only on special occasions)?

Related articles:

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2. Sick And Tired Of Being Single? Here’s How To Find Love By Letting Go
3. ReviewPlace.com gives “Online Dating – Finding Love Online” 5 stars!!!
4. Online Dating Question – I’m a Good Catch. Are all the Women in My Area Stupid?
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In this week's Q&A: What "Wussy" really means and another success story that shows how C&F really does work.

You may fantasize about someone else (she does too), but is it ever acceptable to date other people? Doc Love weighs in.